Psycherotique - Sklavenkarussell Sehnsucht

I don't care if it's from 2007. I don't care if it's from 1987. Quite frankly, I want to know how this ended up in my possession.

This German act is inspiring - that is to say in the same way that making a smoothie inspires me to dip my nuts into the blender. The cover art is a big big clue to the treasures inside, and although I was expecting second-rate Darkwave, what I got was something... I quite simply don't deserve.

"S6X S6X S6X" starts with five seconds of almost silent tape hiss, like the rawest of Black Metal. There's then some distortion, a sample from what should be the worst bit of horror of all time, and a child's xylophone being 'played'. It then goes all Cradle of Filth on us, with high pitched instrumentation, a blast beat so low in the mix it sounds like a Giant farting on Jupiter, and vocals that are supposed to sound like Dani Filth. It actually sounds like Dani Filth with his testicles in a vice, trying to lick the microphone. This is almost... poetic in its agony. It's poetic like Sylvia Plath was positive.

I mean, these guys chose THIS as their opener? THIS? It sounds like someone drowning a Banshee at best. At worst, it's a clutter of Ogres in a bukkake session. The horror effect that loops at the end sounds like a bee trying to get out of a microwave.
Utter, utterly intolerable.

Track two, "Der Onanist" is even worse. I like to think i'm a fair, patient man. I like to think that I try and find the good in all bands. I've given this too much time, I've tried and tried, but it's genuinelly wrong. The error in judgement here is unforgivable. Minus the annoying Guitars, it's all out of tune, off-beat, pedestrian. It sounds like music practice in an orphanage for infants with spoons stuck in their brains.

My fiancé, bless her, doesn't deserve this. She's a patient, kind woman. She's put up with everything i've listened to, and rarely complained. She even sat through some of the worst youtube meme's out there. As soon as this got into the second track, she's gone and left the room. It may sound unfairly aggressive, but there's no other way to describe it. If you took Dani Filth's highest vocal pitch, put it in a room with faulty kids toys, and recorded it through a V-Tech, you'd end up with this, except mixed better.

I just don't know where the biggest fault is here. "It exists" could be considered a fault by itself, as there is NO merit to this album, however I find myself unable to let go.

Regardless, this just has to be discarded and thought through again. It makes some of my 1/10 reviews look like 6's or 7's, and if it wasn't for Patrik's infrastructure forbidding it, I'd not even score this - giving it a 1 denotes it has a point - this album truly does not. - Edit : Demoted score due to new system. Aug 05 2012